Spencer, my best friend, came to visit for the weekend. He arrived on Friday afternoon, looking for a break from his life as an un-employed person. It’s always fun having him stay, he’s my brother from another mother, a true friend, the one who has been there with me through thick and thin. The plan was to spend Friday chilling in front of the TV, Saturday mooching about in the sun and District 9 at work in the evening. Sunday was BMX race day plus MotoGP and WSBK on the telly, maybe, if we can be arsed.

So Friday slipped away, washed down with a KFC binge and some crap programs on the box. Saturday morining saw us all up after a really good sleep and out for a really long walk around the coast. We set off from Palm Bay and walked the four miles to Broadstairs for chips on the harbour arm. We enjoyed watching the world going by at a slow and mellow pace, then up to the world famous Morelli’s for ice cream. Morelli’s can be bought in Harrods and other top food halls all over, its the most awesome stuff, if you ever get to East Kent, Broadstairs in particular, visit Morelli’s, you will not be disapointed. The walk home was much shorter, Rhona took us across country, the “direct route”. Once home we all collapsed on the sofa. Several miles of walking in the hot sun had left us all sunburned and aching. Dinner was welcomed and eaten quickly. Then it was off out to work for the movie.

District 9 is well worth seeing, one of the most original Sci-Fi films I have seen for a long time. Go and see it, it’s uber cool! After the film I took the time to show Spencer the 3D technology and how it works. He was pretty blown away by what he saw.   Then it was home and straight to bed, both of us shattered after a full day.

So onto Sunday, it took us all an age to wake up after the massive day on Saturday. Once up we got ready for the BMX racing at the Herne track. We arrived at the track at midday and found ourselves a place to camp, making sure that we could see the whole track. I grabbed my camera gear a went to sign on with the organiser, stopping to chat to Bill Stupp and Tony the Mic, two big names in the local racing scene.

The racing was fast and exciting, the first races featuring the very young, kids as young as three, taking to this national standard course. By contrast the oldest riders were almost in their fifties, men and women taking part in all classes. The day went quickly, I took over 1200 photo’s, too many I think?!

Karta had fun, he was the victim of the games children play though, the  six and seven year olds winding him up, poor kid. It’s painful to watch him enjoying their company only for them to run away and leave him on his own, telling him they don’t want him to come with them. Thing is I guess he needs to experience that sort of thing, it will make him stronger. Once he gets onto the track and blows them away they wont be laughing. Karta is a quick lad and has been riding bikes since he was 18 months old, he has never had to use stabilisers and he has already impressed other, older racers at the Hersden track. Spencer had fun with his buddy Glen. He came along and brought his new “old school “  Haro Freestyler with him, they chewed the fat for most of the day and loved the racing. Mmmm 40 somethings re-living their yoof, I would like to start racing too, think it would be good for fitness and to help Karta with his racing and training. A future Olympian we hope?

Any way, got home before five and started to process the images I had taken. With that I sat down and watched the MotoGP race and deleted everything else motorcycle related. I’m starting to get it out of my system, my wife has been trying to wean me off of it for years, I think she is succeeding.

That’s it, love the BMX, starting to go off motorbikes, but I still have a soft spot for MotoGP and World Superbikes, but I’m not bothered if I miss a race.

Peace X JP

So I start to pity those who don’t have that love in their life, I wish i could help them find that joy somehow? War’s are so bad, make love, not war, find that special person in your life and hold on to them real tight. Wait, I’m rambling a bit.

Here’s the thing I don’t get. My Father. What the hell? Since becoming a father and feeling the love of my son everyday, I can’t help wondering why my dad let me and my sister go? Sure he was a dick and treated my mum like crap, but why would you do that? I can’t get my head around it? I’m sure I loved my dad, I’m certain I loved to see him every minute of every day. I’m sure he felt that love. So why did he let me go? I was almost five when my mum left him. I needed him. He was my dad, is my dad.

Now I have had my fair share of relationships with some pretty fine women, I get that, I understand lust. When I met my wife it was at a time of my life when the getting was good.I was fit and healthy and had a good time. Then I met my wife and something changed, for the first time in as long as I could remember I truly fell in love. Within weeks we had become inseparable and within months we had announced our engagement. We married in October of 2004 and started to build our life together. By January 2005 Rhona was with child. I was blown away and I swore I would never let that child be without it’s daddy……ever.

Karta was born on a foggy October morning in a Sussex hospital by caesarian section and given to me to hold. I will never forget looking into his bright blue eyes and seeing everything, the past present and future, all there in that one nanosecond. I could see what it was all about. My life had changed direction.

So back to me and who I am, all that I was seems to have gone, I am starting to see that I have potential as a human person. I can see that the power to change me is in me and always has been. I haven’t spoken to my dad for almost fifteen years. I’m starting to wonder if it’s time to make the call? I want to know why he left me, why he let my mum take me away from him, why he did what he did? Knowing how I feel about my son I find it incredibly difficult to understand how he could let me go? I will never do anything to cause the breakup of my family, I couldnt bear not seeing my child everyday. I miss my wife and my son even after just a day without them, how could he let me slip away?

I think if I have a chance to sit down with him and ask him these questions I will be better equipped to bring up my son. I want my dad in my son’s life, I want my dad to have another chance, I think I will become the real me if he lets me be his son again?

Peace X JP

So up we got, I wandered around for an hour in a daze and then decided to head to the store for some milk and a paper. Home and more TV, coffee and then lunch? How the fuck did lunch arrive so quickly? So pizza was eaten and the weariness took over. I managed to get to 1 o’clock, then I had to sleep. Had an hour and then up and straight out to the cinema to watch Aliens in the Attic with little fella.

The film was quite good, maybe a bit too much comedic violence for a three year old. We raided the Ben and Jerrys stand for freebies on the way out and then home. That’s where I have been ever since, settling down for an afternoon of Grand Prix racing. A bit of F1 and then over to the other channel for MotoGP.

Rossi just crashed….shame, I really like that guy, so smooth, still Lorenzo could do it and get another win?!

I sometimes wonder if I should play with Karta more than I do, I mean I give the kid as much of my spare time as I can, I don’t go out drinking or clubbing, I’m home from work everyday and I’m always around the house with him and with Rhona. Must be in my head.

Anyway, gonna watch the rest of the racing and then run a bath. Working tomorrow, the August bank holiday. I’ll maybe get some more thoughts down later, I need an early night though. Peace X JP

I was born in Sussex in 1968, the son of a Londoner and a Scot. My early life is a bit of a blur….this is something I regret, my shitty memory. I grew up in many different towns and even countries. My dad was in the Army and so was I. We ended up spending a couple of years in Germany, Hanover I think, living on an army base. Then it was back to Britain, the north west of England, the south of Scotland, the south of England, Cambridge….the list goes on and on.

My memories of this time are sparse, just little flashes really. Nothing much more than that. I have often wondered if that was some sort of way for me to cope with what was happening, my fathers indiscretions, my mothers pain… who fucking knows? I remember my Dad telling my Mum that she was imagining stuff , my Mum accusing my Dad of banging the Au Pair, I was three or four maybe, I’m not so sure. I remember my sister and I playing on the grass at the front of our house and stepping in fresh dog shit? I remember walking home from school, going the long way round and being on the receiving end of my mothers rage and panic…. I must have been 5?

And so it goes on and on, snippet’s, flashes, brief glimpses of my life. I only really have good recall from about 1999!! I have great difficulty in working out a time line, something tangible, the correct sequence of events….. most of this must be down to the years of drug and alcohol abuse I dipped into. I had a breakdown in about 1994, that began in ’93 following the collapse of a relationship. I fucked up my life. I turned my back on my family for almost 8 years, too afraid to “face the music”.

I got my shit together in late ’99 and started to put my life back in order. I met the girl of my dreams early in 2004, married her in October that year and had my first child with her in October 2005. There have been a few bumps to date, regular job losses, most of which must have been because of something I did or didn’t do? I’m sure I’ll talk about that at a later date.

So here I am living in the east of Kent with my beautiful wife and my darling son. We live in a small two bedroom bungalow in a quiet street with kindly neighbours. We are broke most of the time but, we are happy. I have a good job at the local cinema, I can walk or cycle to work, we live minutes from miles of sandy beaches and clear blue sea.

I will have to be careful what I say here, I will, on occasion, change the names of people and places to avoid litigation and all that rubbish. If people reading this blog think i might be referring to them, you might be right…. just be sure before you take me to court!

So there you go, I hope this first post wets you appetite, please feel free to comment, I like that. Speak soon. JP